The words we speak and the words that have been spoken to us. They. Mold. Us. Words have power and we know this, but we often relate this POWER just to BIG words. And even though we might think this is Oh SO Obvious, there continues to be a breaking of hearts in our homes and a tough time restoring our souls because of words we use or that were used by others to tell us just that: Little Lies.
Remember the little lies? The Shaming lies? The You are not good enough lies? Or simply, you are not THAT good enough? The why can’t you be better than your neighbor or siblings or school mate lies? There exists that subtle shaming that goes unnoticed- or quite disfunction-ally dismissed. Often times hidden in that ‘normal’ day to day sarcasm of joking around at our loved one’s expense. You know, the day to day comedy sitcom talk~ (which I hate by the way… I mean look what it did to Hanna Montana! :)) There is always someone being made fun of. Or as I see it, taking in a little lie. Little lies can turn into undercover shame.
Silly examples: the report card came with less than perfect grades and notes on your bad attitude (or your kid’s…), “What is this?! This is unacceptable!!” Now you are not smart/good enough. The dress for Auntie Sue’s wedding didn’t exactly look fabulous at the fitting, and oh boy, if you just didn’t have chia pet hair we could make you look so handsome! You tripped over that rock? You dumb kid, pay attention and be more coordinated! The little lie communicates: You. Embarrass. Me.
Silly? Maybe, but tender hearts believe time after time…..and it adds up eventually. Now you are not thin enough, pretty enough, as funny as your neighbor enough, smart enough, capable enough, strong enough and for crying out loud don’t make such a big deal out of this! Buckle up and STOP crying. You have everything, what’s your problem? We’ll just laugh about it and call you bimbo. Or fatty. Or dingy. Or airhead. Or Loser? Get over yourself, it’s just a term of endearment. But don’t eat so much bread please. ( we wouldn’t want you to get fat!)
The ‘shame’ that unmet expectations creates brings about words that cause pain and insecurity. These are the ‘little lies’ that I am thinking about today. The little lies I do not want to tell my kids or nieces and nephews or friends or anyone else, anymore. Oh yes….unfortunately, I too am very good at expressing these little lies. I know these little lies first hand. They suck and they cause pain. Maybe not as much pain as physical trauma or abuse. But in the end, All lies cause pain, no matter how small.
The problem is the effect the growth of these lies have on us. When they add up they affect our motivation as well as our hearts. And depending on our human sensitivity these lies direct our paths. I have seen this first hand. All too often. The Little lies grow and grow–Why the heck are you in rehab?! You have anorexia?! Depression?! You are not like those others with a horrible life! You have no reason for this behavior!! (more shame). Really? I think there is always a reason. We don’t know the FULL reason, but the little lies CAN’T HELP. Nope, not at all. Only God’s truth can heal us and our minds. Jesus helps us by renewing our thoughts, and by taking away the shame and condemnation.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” ROMANS 12:2
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” ROMANS 8:1
In many aspects I have built a bridge and gotten over it. I heard a teacher once say that we can not expect a handicapped peep to get up and run to hug us. They just can’t. Hurt people HURT people. So I need to run to Christ for healing so that I can STOP blaming the liars and of course: stop hurting others with my own little lies. No more little lies. I want to speak Truth. I want to speak Life. I want to be free.
God’s WORD healed me. I asked God (and still do) to heal me and he has. He continues to renew my mind with HIS truth every day. I walk in freedom. At least most of the time 🙂 I still struggle but always a bit less..
It is amazing how we can be transformed by the love of God instantly- either by an amazing encounter with Him, the love and support of other believers or a slow, difficult and thick hike up a hill that has a surprising view and sense of relief at the top. And then….it all goes down hill in one second~ Or at least it seems to at times.
What is it with the short term memory loss syndrome? In the wink of an eye my “transformation” goes from peace and love to fear, to hurt feelings, to evil thoughts, to ‘insert here’. What the heck?! I want it back!!
The book of John has an interesting statement from Jesus. (Well, one of many OBVIOUSLY but this is the one that spoke to me regarding transformation and my human condition today) .
“Because of the miracles he did in Jerusalem at the Passover celebration, many people were convinced that he was indeed the Messiah. But Jesus didn’t trust them, for he knew mankind to the core. No one needed to tell him how changeable human nature is!”
OK! There is it? We fail…but He is with us regardless~ (I think teenagers are the most affected by this…just sayin’) Or maybe it’s the parents of teenagers? Yes, I have one of those. I love her. She drives my transformation out the window often lately. 😉 Or is it me?
This transformation, MY transformation needs daily, timely reminders. My capacity to sin, to take the ugly road is always so near. My prayer groups and close friends, my sister, my mom, and my husband are such a HUGE part of my reminders. Their love, prayer and most of all accountability is a reminder that I am NOT alone and this is super awesome. But when I do take the ugly road I often wonder how much is me or how much is the enemy? I KNOW I am pretty self-centered. I try not to be but it really takes a beating down and my submission to the bad things that happen in order for me to actually be free of that: of My-self.
This idea might sound crazy for this “me me” world, but it makes SO MUCH SENSE once I get to experience the freedom Christ offers when I step aside and let Him rule. For his purposes. For his love.
The relief of stepping aside and knowing that I am a part of something BIGGER. God’s plan. Yes, I want to be used for His plan.
I’d rather serve others than me, accept their faults as similar to mine, cry out in victory for a change of mood, stop the gossip and MOVE ASIDE. In faith and TRUST my perspective and my heart , by His spirit, are lifted to a supernatural level that only Christ can provide. This I know, for on my own I can.not.change.nor.transform.
It is quite simple really ~ puts a smile on my face. The peace that surpasses all understanding. I’m ready for the dishes and the laundry and the reports at work and the lovely teenager. Until #BOOM! back to the reminder board. Pray. For. Us. Lord.
I usually have a different opinion about this every day . Or every 15 minutes for that matter, it depends on what is happening in my life or my day at the moment. I seek many things I suppose. I seek God of course!! But I have to say that mostly I seek a good mood, good relationships, good food, extra income, comfort, exercise , perfection, healthy choices for my husband and my kids, I seek how to MAKE them choose these healthy choices…. The list is endless and well, exhausting at times. Basically I am constantly seeking control. Sigh….
In this seeking of mine I recently decided to follow along with some cool peeps on http://www.ifequip.com and read the book of John with them. I have been pleasantly surprised. As is the case whenever I study God’s word. WORD.
In the first chapter, Jesus asks two of John the Baptist’s disciples who see him and start following Him, “What are you seeking?”. They didn’t answer with a specific I am seeking this or that answer. They actually answer with another question and ask him, “Teacher, where are you staying?”.
So I thought, did they not know what they were seeking? Did they not have an answer? This is God asking you a question people- where is your answer?! Perhaps they were so mesmerized by His presence that all they cared about at that moment was WHERE ARE YOU STAYING SO THAT WE CAN GO BE WITH YOU?!!.. I can only imagine what it must have been like for them to actually get an invitation FROM JESUS. All other “seekings” go out the window right then and there~
What perspective on my mood this gave me- yes, when I’m seeking comfort, or seeking pleasure, or that that someone next to me would shut their mouth already~ yes yes, I have to say that ….I ‘seek’ that often. All too often. The answer to living in victory- to living free is so obvious. What are you seeking He asks? It’s got to be a trick question….Because all you need is me. Jesus. Well. There it is. Focus. He is there for me. With a beautiful and simple invitation~
“Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
People hide and pretend everything is ok- why do we think pretense will make us likable? We are lead to believe that we are not enough- we hide in shame and create personas that are toxic to our soul, our bodies and our spirit. When we hear the truth we get a glimmer of hope but have a hard time believing that any of that truth is really for us. What great love? How can we touch it or feel it?
There is no freedom in living this way, hiding. There is much energy wasted in the persona ‘upkeep’. The barrier we hold up ( and I say hold up because it is heavy and a burden) does not just keep us from freedom but also precludes us from receiving love~ we are afraid to risk being really known. Really really known. As if there is shame in non-perfection and you might stop liking me as soon as you….”know”. Or I might loose that competition to beat you at this perfection game. It sucks. It really does. But there is this great love of God available… and then again, how do I touch it?
Those who have had a reality with this great love of god have a responsibility and a longing to share it with others – god speaks through our actions and just as any one perhaps has come in contact with this love through the touch and care of others -is now in the responsibility line of sharing Jesus. His Love. This. is. the. only. way. to. live. An unconditional, supernatural love that does not judge and is FULL OF GRACE for our messy selves. Known, and messy and yet still loved. I am grateful for those who’s beautiful reality with our God has led them to share kind words and His love with me. My faith continues to grow because of their seed. I BELIEVE.
I am trying to accomplish………..: “To become Full” -To have a certain weight on my feet that does not allow the wind of circumstance or trouble to knock me even to the side a bit.
~I wear a scripture bracelet around my left arm to remind me of Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” I figure memorizing scripture will remind me of the goodness I long for. It does, of course, BUT there is so much more to it.
The reason I know this to be true is because I have been and still am greatly a “WILL” person. I WILL do that because I have discipline etc. So today I read that in the book of Colossians, Paul
tells of the self-imposed worship that this “will” can be. You see, we are so self-centered that any kind of dominion over a bad habit or success in say……. a diet or exercise and we think we are the bomb. We rock. We feel good. BUT what about when I scream at my little girl? Or when I get frustrated at my friend who is depressed and I just want to slap her and tell her to snap out of it already?!!
I read an explanation of how Jesus described this condition when He speaks of the external righteousness of the Pharisees. “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks……I tell you, on the day of judgement men will render account for every careless word they utter” (Matt. 12:34-36.) So by my will it works for a while but sooner or later out comes my “Mood” to reveal the true condition of my heart. Sooner or later ‘What I am’ comes out.
Can I get a PMS waiver? Please??
“Willpower has no defense against the careless word, the unguarded moment. The will has the same deficiency as the law–it can deal only with externals. It is incapable of bringing about the necessary transformation of the inner spirit.” (Richard Foster)
It is no wonder why I always “feel” better while in a deep bible study. The discipline necessary to follow through specific workbooks can be about 45 minutes to one hour of bible study per day. Amazing learning and revelation happens!! Ahhhh…….the possibilities are endless…………..
~I know it is the external power of God that does the transformation. How can I love someone I used to hate? Stop drinking like a lush? Forgive what I thought was unforgivable? Build a bridge and get over it? Now I am hooked —
Nothing to lose…but my life I guess.
Sang for my ladle peeps from the Rescue Mission, tonight~ I love seeing
them rock out every Wednesday night. Some just come in from the streets. They stand there and praise God, clap their hands and sing their hearts out before heading down to dinner and bible study.
The next day I go to work downtown and I often run into them hustling and bustling- they sometimes
don’t recognize me :). I guess we can all fall into that- reading His Word, singing His songs, receiving His love through other’s hands, possibly getting a piece of conviction pie and then the next day (or in the car ride home for that matter) forget all we just ‘felt’. It’s a good thing feelings are not truth so that is a relief… I.want.to.remember.all.the.time. Remember that His presence is always around and in me regardless of my feelings or circumstances. I can cope with this: the mess, the kids arguing, my anxiety. That all comes and goes- yet He is always the same. Patient and sweet with me even when I am ugly. Today I remember and choose Joy. That’s right joy-killers, see ya later!
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Philippians 4:4
ok- I’m going to rejoice with a dirty kitchen and children that are not obeying….:)