The words we speak and the words that have been spoken to us. They. Mold. Us. Words have power and we know this, but we often relate this POWER just to BIG words. And even though we might think this is Oh SO Obvious, there continues to be a breaking of hearts in our homes and a tough time restoring our souls because of words we use or that were used by others to tell us just that: Little Lies.
Remember the little lies? The Shaming lies? The You are not good enough lies? Or simply, you are not THAT good enough? The why can’t you be better than your neighbor or siblings or school mate lies? There exists that subtle shaming that goes unnoticed- or quite disfunction-ally dismissed. Often times hidden in that ‘normal’ day to day sarcasm of joking around at our loved one’s expense. You know, the day to day comedy sitcom talk~ (which I hate by the way… I mean look what it did to Hanna Montana! :)) There is always someone being made fun of. Or as I see it, taking in a little lie. Little lies can turn into undercover shame.
Silly examples: the report card came with less than perfect grades and notes on your bad attitude (or your kid’s…), “What is this?! This is unacceptable!!” Now you are not smart/good enough. The dress for Auntie Sue’s wedding didn’t exactly look fabulous at the fitting, and oh boy, if you just didn’t have chia pet hair we could make you look so handsome! You tripped over that rock? You dumb kid, pay attention and be more coordinated! The little lie communicates: You. Embarrass. Me.
Silly? Maybe, but tender hearts believe time after time…..and it adds up eventually. Now you are not thin enough, pretty enough, as funny as your neighbor enough, smart enough, capable enough, strong enough and for crying out loud don’t make such a big deal out of this! Buckle up and STOP crying. You have everything, what’s your problem? We’ll just laugh about it and call you bimbo. Or fatty. Or dingy. Or airhead. Or Loser? Get over yourself, it’s just a term of endearment. But don’t eat so much bread please. ( we wouldn’t want you to get fat!)
The ‘shame’ that unmet expectations creates brings about words that cause pain and insecurity. These are the ‘little lies’ that I am thinking about today. The little lies I do not want to tell my kids or nieces and nephews or friends or anyone else, anymore. Oh yes….unfortunately, I too am very good at expressing these little lies. I know these little lies first hand. They suck and they cause pain. Maybe not as much pain as physical trauma or abuse. But in the end, All lies cause pain, no matter how small.
The problem is the effect the growth of these lies have on us. When they add up they affect our motivation as well as our hearts. And depending on our human sensitivity these lies direct our paths. I have seen this first hand. All too often. The Little lies grow and grow–Why the heck are you in rehab?! You have anorexia?! Depression?! You are not like those others with a horrible life! You have no reason for this behavior!! (more shame). Really? I think there is always a reason. We don’t know the FULL reason, but the little lies CAN’T HELP. Nope, not at all. Only God’s truth can heal us and our minds. Jesus helps us by renewing our thoughts, and by taking away the shame and condemnation.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” ROMANS 12:2
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” ROMANS 8:1
In many aspects I have built a bridge and gotten over it. I heard a teacher once say that we can not expect a handicapped peep to get up and run to hug us. They just can’t. Hurt people HURT people. So I need to run to Christ for healing so that I can STOP blaming the liars and of course: stop hurting others with my own little lies. No more little lies. I want to speak Truth. I want to speak Life. I want to be free.
God’s WORD healed me. I asked God (and still do) to heal me and he has. He continues to renew my mind with HIS truth every day. I walk in freedom. At least most of the time 🙂 I still struggle but always a bit less..