Recently I’ve been bothered by a certain dislike that I have for a certain person. It’s nothing huge but I often wonder why some people have a certain ‘power’ on my feelings. I’ve been told before that it could be because there is something in them that reflects something about me- well, I hope that that is NOT the case because certainly I am NOT as big an idiot as this certain ‘person’ is! I do have to say however, that I don’t like the yucky feeling this ‘hating’ causes in me and so, as I often do, I seek and ask and talk and vent and study and pray and argue with God and my mind about the ‘because’ of this emotion.
I want to tell you that this “person” often varies from day to day ;). Yes, if you think you are this ONE person- get over it. You are not favored and in the end its not even about you. Just sayin’. It’s not you, it’s me.
So yes, in general people can annoy me. Sorry. I am sure I annoy you as well sometimes. Or your MIL does. Or your spouse. Or your co-worker. Or whoever. This is something that my ex-boss used to tell me,” Gris, you have no patience for idiots.” And I admit that ten years ago I might have enjoyed that statement. Today, well….
How. Embarrassing. That. Is. For. Me.
I promise you I have changed (or at least I think I have) but anyway- during these past three weeks God has allowed me to figure out a few things. First of all, that which is MY part in this annoyment. I just made up a word. “Annoyment”. And that is a kind word, because really a few days ago it was more ‘hate’ than annoyment. 😦
I suppose I feel betrayed? I give and give and you just take and take. AND then you talk shizzle. I am not acting like a victim here (or am I?….maybe just a bit), I just wrote a list of the possibilities for this feeling. When people act ugly I usually blow it off with what my mother used to say all the time,”Oh Honey….They just don’t know any better.” or “Nobody taught them different.” But despite all that wisdom y’all know we all got our CERTAINS…..
So today in a bridal shower that I attended, my friend told the bride and groom that they will need to love each other….(key word coming) ANYWAY. Instead of I love you because of this or that, I love you anyway. In spite of your this and that. Because really, what do we expect? We are sinners. We are wicked. In other words….we are normal.
The kind of love that we are called to give is really only available by God’s power. And this includes loving my CERTAINS. And the BEST part is that: THIS. LOVE. REPLACES. MY. UGLY. FEELINGS. This LOVE sets me #free.
I keep thinking that I forgive and forgive but finally figured out that I am really just expecting payment from the ‘CERTAIN’. In the Book of Luke Jesus tells us to LOVE OUR ENEMIES. OF course, how easy would it be to just love the nice people right? Even though Im pretty sure I can find something annoying about them once in a while as well. BUT Jesus also calls us to lend to our enemies without expecting payment. And I thought about this LONG AND HARD. I lend you my heart and I expect you to pay me? It is IMPOSSIBLE to live like that.
“But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” Luke 6:35
Everyone has a story. A broken road. The more I remember this and listen to Jesus, the more my mind and heart are set free. I will love you anyway. He loves me anyway. I WILL NOT EXPECT payment. I can not do this on my own. When that feeling arrives, I will call out to Him. His spirit is in me. An I can love anyway~
“The same POWER that raised Christ from the dead is inside of you” Romans 8:11