undoing perfection…

Nobody is perfect. Right? That is hard to remember though…
There is certainly so much freedom in not having to continue in the race of perfection. I am not talking bout the ‘give it up and slack off forever Sloppy Joe’s attitude’… I am talking about the false idea that only ‘perfect’ is good enough. That crazy ‘perfection is best’ idea is so darn exhausting and obviously, super hurtful. It has taken me a while to un-do the perfection gene that runs in my family and in certain areas of society. Or all areas of society. It depends what magazine I look at, or movie I watch, or person I am talking to at the time.

Last year my first born ‘perfect’ girl turned 13 and was in 8th grade. And guess what? She fell out of ‘perfect’!! Oh yea, and of course, by default- so did I. Can you imagine that?!! It was a rough few months for this #ironmomma…. But I have been set free- yet again- because well, this is not the first time that this has happened- but like most difficult seasons in life, I think this is THE HARDEST EVER. Well, the ‘perfection’ and ‘I am in control’ BS has been kicked to the curb again! Amen brothers and sistas!

I can’t believe how much the expectation of possibly living through a kid can damage 1)the kid 2)the parent 3) our relationships 4) all other relationships getting in the way of that perfect expectation and kid in the making 5)the perception that the kid thinks he or she is perfect therefore acts like a jerk. 😉 6)insert your own here

After a lot of praying, reading, counseling, going on ‘momma strike’, lunches with amazing girlfriends that have parented plenty of teens, (in that order) and WALKING it through- I finally gave it up. (For now…) The satanic disease of control and expectations. My girl IS awesome. I am her biggest cheerleader. She is loved by me and by GOD regardless of her performance or successes (or lack there of). And well, some great advice that ALL of my amazing peers and books have given me is Do. Not. Take. It. Personally. Take what personally you ask? The rolling of the eyes, the bad moods in the morning, or afternoon, or every ten minutes, a bad grade here and there, sin in general? Because in the end, after realizing that this severs my relationship with her and with god- well, it’s a BIG relief to let it go. FREEDOM.

I am not letting parenting go…….just perfect parenting. And good luck to you who still believe in perfect parenting. You probably don’t have kids yet..(haha) or they are not teenagers! 🙂

What. Do. You. See??

What do you see?The Ocean? God’s beauty? Or the trashcans?

When I was taking this photo a few weeks ago I was pretty upset about the trash cans ruining my view ~~and then I realized how I can tend to let little trash cans ruin my view of God’s beauty and my life. My life (our lives) are a part of God’s beauty. Then, I finally saw the grandiosity of the big powerful and amazing ocean right behind those trash cans:/

That’s my God~ Our God- That’s what I need to be breathing in. I looked at the trash cans again and asked myself- ok, what am I really focusing on most of the time ?! 80 % of the time? The trash, or the ocean?!! What. Do. I. See??

In Luke 11:34 Jesus told his friends this:
34 Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy, your body also is full of darkness. 35 See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness.

I totally like how Jesus says: SEE TO IT.. That I actually have to do something with this…. There is an action step—What do I SEE?

Everything has to do with what I see–, My perspective and my focus will guide my thoughts. My thoughts affect my emotions and they affect MY faith. If I’m not looking up, if I’m not in God’s word-I can RETURN to believe my own bad experience, my hurts, my past, what I’ve done or what someone else has done or told me that I am worth. BUT when I start to SEE, FOCUS on and believe God’s truth about me- then I remember that HE can heal my thoughts- and change my perspective. He can heal my eyes. The hymn ‘I once was blind but now I see’ starts to make sense!! Freedom.

And this can take time yes, but Jesus does instruct us to take action: ” SEE TO IT THEN, THAT THE LIGHT WITHIN YOU IS NOT DARKNESS.”

How do I do this? I mean, Do I even notice that the trash is an obstacle for me? Most of the time I don’t! My mind needs to be renewed and re-trained- CONSTANTLY. I want to do everything in my power to look beyond the trash – I want better perspective, I want to receive healing. I want to live free. In order to DO this I have to train. I CAN’T avoid it.

I have to have constant reminders-

Prayer, The practice of Gratitude, Meditation…. counseling -more prayer- books, bible study- good sound advice from friends I respect, the list goes on …

You know, most of our behaviors are trained ~ I know a guy who trains dogs for a living , he told me once that in order for a dog to learn a specific behavior the dog has to do that specific behavior 350 times. 350 times for a dog to learn to stay, sit, fetch. And What about us? We train since we are born I guess? By repetition. Train to say thank you. Train to chew with my mouth closed, clean up after myself, train to say I’m sorry. Train to forgive. Train to listen…..(I sure know how to talk- but do I listen??) Listen to God, listen to others.

Some of these are things that I don’t really like to do but I know it is good for me. I have to train to look beyond the trash~~ Train to constantly believe that I am loved. That I am enough. Train to believe in God’s redemption and plan for me.

*Colossians 1:17 For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.

We are created for Him ~ #awe #freedom

Sometimes even if I don’t want to I still have to continue to train and fight the lie that tells me : I don’t want to do that today…. Maybe later, or tomorrow, or next Sunday at church. Because there just might be a lie there telling me that I’m not worth it. That I am too much trash, or too far gone…

So the training kicks in and I am reminded that we were bought at a price because WE ARE deeply LOVED!! And that is worth fighting for-

When I’m so so constantly grateful for all the blessings of my life then the trash doesn’t take over.

Life is too short to be looking at the trash. Some of it (trash) might never go away. But I choose to SEE God and not the trash. It could be my trash or somebody else’s trash –it could be a person? Or a person talking trash!

The good news is I don’t have to do this on my own strength-
I believe, I train and I open my heart, but it is his Holy Spirit that helps me~ and He makes these things much easier. It’s crazy. It’s supernatural. It’s God. It’s awesome~