imageOk my friends, so pretending is getting exhausting.  I am becoming comfortable with not being ok all the time, and I have to tell you that it is really a great relief.  Most of my life I’ve had to pretend to be strong, well put together, financially stable, in good shape, wonderful marriage, good kids, and basically in control.  It doesn’t really work LOL, but I sometimes like  to think that I am getting away with it.  Honestly, some times I did.  But it just catches up with me you know?

First of all, I don’t think ANYONE has it all together- ok, well  maybe if you have a bunch of servants- but even then……what happens when they get sick? Or don’t show up to work?

I mean the reality of all this social media posting about, “Date Night!, Love my job! Off to our amazing vacation! Out to dinner with my peeps! Love my super cute dog!”  Versus the reality about never ever showing the argument that you might have had prior to or during the date night; the madness that the planned vacation was really like; or the debt you incurred while on vacation;  the dinner w your peeps that left you more exhausted from smiling when really you might have just wanted to be at home sleeping, and that time you kicked your dog because for crying out loud: THE DOG TRAINING IS FAILING and he just doesn’t listen!”

I don’t see many posts of the reality that this #pretendingtobeamazingallthetime is possibly killing our souls.  Don’t get me wrong, I am all for encouraging posts and fun photos- I just think it would be refreshing to see a few posts here and there of the real mess that we live in.  (Which a few brave and beautiful humans sometimes do)..But for the most part there is so much pretending and filtering and retake that photo!- No wait!  Take another one!  No wait! That is my bad side, no wait that one doesn’t look amazing , and don’t you dare post that etc etc.

Then there is the real life (outside social media) pretending… like : I got it all together at work and never make mistakes, or yea, I ran 10 miles today then killed it at the gym after, or  my kids are amazing in everything they do how about yours? Ummm….. sometimes I would like to answer, ” Well, my kids are average.”   But then I might fall of the #pretending boat and loose a few points…   I do have close friends that know my #real and get to hear the truth haha BUT for the most part all I see is competing.  Competing at the gym, at work, at school, at church, with family, the list goes on and on.  Who is right? Who is better? Who has it all together more? Who is getting more applause? AND WHY THE HECK ARE WE PRETENDING TO HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER? What is the price? Who dies with more points?!?

Because the worst one for me is the pretending in my mind.  The time when everything is quiet and all are asleep and my mind is like, “This is not working out. Today was NOT perfect. Really? This is not real, I do NOT have this all together and well, this sucks…..”   The pretending sucks, not the ‘nothavingitalltogether’.   I am finding great relief and freedom in this truth, the truth that none of this pretending makes me better and that pretending only causes frustration.  This relief is like a parallel to God’s amazing Grace and His Love~ there is nothing I have to DO to receive his grace, we are loved exactly as we are and that is it.  No pretending.   Sometimes this love is hard to comprehend and I think this is in part because of the pretending game.  Maybe I am believing His love for me more and more and therefore leaving the #pretending behind with less struggle.   Who knows why really… all I see today is that pretending takes a lot of work and I am tired of pretending.  Today I choose to honor the gift of now, the gift of imperfection 🙂 The dog bones that made me trip in the kitchen, the fact that I messed up at work and it’s ok, my less than gourmet dinner and the unfolded laundry. I might just post the sometimes silent morning commute to school…..even when my idea was an amazing conversation and bonding with my kid.   I can still silently pray for them lol!

Today, I for one, am enjoying the mess. Maybe I’ll start to post about that 🙂  #saynotopretending #keepingitreal