Why is loving so hard?

I keep running into the problem that gets in the way of loving unconditionally.  I just find it interesting how some days love flows freely though my veins and other days (most days) people (including myself)  just kind of annoy me.  I am old enough to know that when this happens  I am the problem. I also know that to some degree, it takes WORK to practice love.   It is not them it is me.  SO what is it that gets in the way?   And why is it so hard to realize this sometimes?  I tend to think it might be the motive. 

Am I trying to control the person? Am I dishing out conditional love?  

Wether I am loving out of fear, out of need, compassion, religious belief, or (the best and simple and yet most difficult to attain ) : out of God’s unconditional love and freedom.   The issue is this: 

My human condition is the constant obstacle.  

When I find loving is hard I start to ask myself the usual questions: 

Am I in pain? What is hurting? Is this my EGO blowing up? What story am I making up this time? 

 I try and sit with the pain and with the questions. Not the pain in the a@@ who is annoying me at the time😜 .  But whatever I feel is blocking my ‘flow’ of God’s Holy Spirit~ 

I have been reading about self compassion these past months and I used to think that self-compassion was just some hippy thing. (Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with hippy things…)  HOWEVER,  the more I look into it the more I realized several things.   

1) How hard I am on myself. 

2) This clearly has an impact on how I feel about others. 

3) One of Christ’s most important messages to us is to love our neighbor as ourselves.

Well, how can I love you if I am having a hard time loving  me? Or my thoughts?

Most of this used to happen subconsciously.  But lately I am becoming more and more aware of my emotions.  So…….when my emotions tell me x, y,z are bugging me …. or when they tell me to hide, I now fight back and ask why?  What is happening right now that I feel like this?   It’s just practicing awareness.  I like to sit quietly, and ask God to speak to me .

Be STILL and Know. 

 Then I can begin again.  Receiving God’s unconditional love.   Affirming that I am worthy of this Love.  Then the supernatural happens again….

And each day, loving gets easier~ 


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