Tales of Recovery The Family Cult problem`
No one likes to say anything about this but doesn't family often feel like a cult? It's hard to escape it since you are born into it. Then the ongoing message that family comes first and always and over everything else can get a little overboard. Do parents really own us? Setting boundaries with family can sometimes feel more like an escape tactic and if you dare say anything delicate about the family 'secrets' you will be shamed to death but probably still not be allowed to leave... How can we explore this without freaking out and begin to heal the skeletons in the closet? How can we transform the way we love instead of adoring or require adoration from our kids? Are they really born to serve and honor us or are they here to be our teachers and companions on this incarnation journey?
If we can notice, acknowledge and heal the intergenerational dysfunctional blueprint that "family" says is a must, perhaps we can renew the way we see relationships in general and maybe just maybe, have an actual family gathering where no one gets too drunk because they can't deal, too anxious, or triggered into a 20 yr old argument for Pete's sake!
This episode of Tales of Recovery is inspired by Chapter 7 of Bruce Sanguin's book Dismantled. In it, he states that the moment humans shifted from village life to nuclear family, trouble started. Elder Malidoma Some writes about village life in Burkino Faso. Still today, every child has multiple mothers and fathers. The boundaries between families are more porous. Everything is on public display. In the age of nuclear family, generational trauma and the violence of parents against their children are hidden from public view. If somebody wanted to create an institution in which emotional, physical and sexual abuse could thrive, the family as we know it in the West would fit the bill.
In effect, they hate us in practice and love us in theory and induce us to believe them when they define hate as love. The consequent mystification, confusion, and conflict continue to devastate marriages, families and each generation of children. - R. D. Laing
